Newsletter 28: Parents with 2 Kids, this is for you ...
The Unspoken Truth About Parental Favoritism
Hello Super Moms and Mindful Dads,
My Family GIBLI ART
You’ve probably heard (or even said) this jokingly during sibling fights:
“Tujhe toh dustbin se uthake laye the…”
It’s funny — until you realize it may reflect something more profound. Something many don’t talk about: Parental Favoritism.
Let’s dive into this important topic with heart, research, and a powerful parenting reminder I call F.A.I.R. Parenting.
👀 What Does Parental Favoritism Look Like?
Parents often don’t even realize it, but favoritism shows up in:
Spending more time with one child
Praising one’s achievements and ignoring the other’s efforts
Being stricter with one while lenient with the other
Showing more physical affection to the “easier” child
Involving one child more in decision-making (often the elder)
💡 Example: A Bangalore mom constantly praised her “mature daughter” while calling her son “naughty.” The boy began acting out — not because he was naughty, but because he craved equal attention.
🧠 What Influences Favoritism?
According to child psychology — and backed by research (like the Psychological Bulletin meta-analysis and a 2016 Cornell study) — favoritism often stems from:
Birth Order: Eldest = Responsible. Youngest = Pampered. Middle = Overlooked.
Gender: Many Indian families still unconsciously prioritize sons.
Personality Match: Parents bond more easily with kids who are “like them.”
🎯 Insight: Over 70% of mothers in the study admitted having a “favorite,” often unknowingly.
💔 What Are the Effects on Children?
Favoritism can deeply impact both children:
Favored child: Grows up confident, but may become entitled or pressured.
Less-favored child: May develop anxiety, low self-esteem, or sibling resentment.
“Children form their identity based on how their parents mirror them. Unequal mirroring distorts self-worth.”
🎵 A teen boy from Hyderabad once told me, “I stopped playing music… what’s the point? I’ll never be like my sister who’s preparing for IAS.”
That broke my heart. And made me determined to teach parents what I call…
✨ F.A.I.R. Parenting Framework
This is the heart of mindful parenting — a way to stay balanced and conscious:
F: Feelings Matter – Acknowledge emotions, not just achievements.
A: Avoid Comparisons – Every child has a unique path.
I: Individual Attention – One-on-one time builds connection.
R: Recognize Biases – Self-reflect often (try monthly journaling).
📌 Try This: In your next journal entry, ask:
“Did I make both my kids feel seen and heard today?”
🚨 What Happens When Favoritism Is Overdone?
It’s not just unfair — it’s damaging.
Leads to sibling rivalry and power struggles
Creates emotional insecurities that last into adulthood
Makes kids seek validation in the wrong places
In my coaching sessions, I often see adults still carrying the burden of being “the lesser-loved child.”
Is This More Prominent in Indian Homes?
Sadly, yes — especially in subtle ways:
Sons are pushed toward ambition. Daughters are told to be “practical.”
High-scoring kids get the spotlight. Creative or sensitive ones are told to “be more like your brother.”
Favoritism in India is often wrapped in tradition — but awareness breaks the pattern.
🌻 Final Thought: Different Flowers, Different Care
No two children are the same. Love them equally, but differently.
✨ Here’s your reminder:
“Parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence, fairness, and reflection.”
Let’s raise emotionally fulfilled children — and it begins with being a little more F.A.I.R. every day.
💌 If this resonated with you, hit the ♥️ and share it to a fellow parent who needs to hear this today.
📚 Want more?
Explore my book: Give Your Child Wings: The Ultimate Parenting Guide
Join our growing tribe at www.joyfulparenting.club
Follow me on Instagram: @parenting_swati
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With warmth and wisdom,
Swati Gupta
Parenting Coach | Author | Storyteller
Founder, Joyful Parenting Club